Why Do We Sabotage Ourselves?
Why Do We Sabotage Ourselves?
Once you know, there's no excuse for it.
Why do we sabotage ourselves?
“Enough of this shit.” I said on the morning of January 22, 2023. I licked my lips, then tried to swallow but couldn’t. My mouth was cotton; filled with remnants of sugar and sodium. I was fresh off an epic binge—one of my self-sabotaging activities—the night before. I peeled the weighted blanket off me, swung both legs off the bed, and made for my office.
I rifled through my desk’s drawer, fished out a marker and wrote the question you see above on my blackboard.
I figured if the question stared at me all day, every day, in my office, it would demand to be answered. And it did. So I started writing.
After interrogating myself for a year, writing more than fifteen drafts of Book One and rough drafts of Books Two and Three, I found the answer.
Default.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition defines Default as: “Failure to perform a task or fulfill an obligation.” Said another way by Francis Xavier: “If you give me the child until he is seven, I will show you the man.”
If you grew up without a pot-to-piss in or a window to throw it out of, then is it any wonder whenever you get your hands on some cash, it burns a hole in your pocket? You failed to fulfill your obligation of being broke. Even as an adult, subconsciously you’re still that little boy whose reality is poverty.
If you witnessed your parents engage in verbal and/or physical abuse to each other and/or you, then is it really a question as to why you stay in toxic relationships as an adult; why you kick your girlfriend out of your apartment when the only crime she committed was loving you? Perhaps she loved you too much, that is. You’re not used to that, so out she went. You’d rather be abused than adored.
What if you knew you were a writer in the fifth grade? What if your buddies were three sport athletes and you weren’t; they took first in the mile in gym class, and you took dead last; they got all the girls while you collected Yu-Gi-Oh! cards? Could that be why you’ve only flirted with writing while falling in love with the ways of the world instead? I’m asking for a friend.
I could go on and on and on.
That’s Default, and it’s why we sabotage ourselves.
1. Why this, why now?
Why this?
Isn’t it obvious? Billions of people are leading quiet lives of desperation thanks to their Default. I want to do my part, no matter how small, to help them defeat their Default so they can stop sabotaging themselves. My part, my Gift from God, is the written word—and I’m going to wield it to become a Force for Good or die trying.
My editor, David, actually gave me the nudge to start a Substack—this platform was and is helping him defeat his Default.
I’ll be honest, at first, I thought of it as just another distraction to keep me from doing what I considered real writing—that is, the kind of writing Default had me sabotaging for over two decades—and that’s writing books, not blogs.
I’ve done the blog thing before. I’ve done copywriting. I’ve written short stories. I’ve written on Medium.com. Don’t get me wrong, I was decent at all of it, (here’s my writing portfolio for your perusal) but I had no desire to try yet another writing outlet that didn’t begin and end on a Google Doc.*
Then I reminded myself: it isn’t about you, dumbass. That might be one of the few things said by yours truly you’d consider putting under the smart category. And you’d be right for doing so; it isn’t about me. It’s about being hellbent on helping people defeat their Default so they can stop sabotaging themselves. If that’s the case, the better question would be: “Why not this?”
Why now?
My agent, Sharon, is shopping my book proposal as we speak. A deal could come any day now. Keeping that top of mind, let’s be real: if a publisher is going to hitch their wagon to mine, I have to build a brand. Period. It’s just business.
Does that make you think less of me? Does that make me a sellout? A pimp? I wouldn’t blame you. I don’t like B-word, (brand) either. But consider what world-renowned author, Steven Pressfield told me regarding another world-renowned author on building a brand:
“I do think ‘building a brand’ is for real. Ya gotta do it, one way or another. As for my own Writing Wednesdays, I just find an hour a week and do it. Think about Ryan Holiday. He does one a DAY. I don’t know how he does it.”
I don’t have the notoriety of Pressfield or Holiday. Starting my own blog on my website seems about as useful as pissing into a hurricane. Substack it is then, at least for now. Maybe that does make me a pimp? If it does, to Hell with it. It’s just business.
2. What kind of community am I looking to build here?
I want to build a community of Storytellers, fundamentally.
Defeating Default is not easy. It’s no picnic. It requires a lot of you to die. Almost all of you, actually. All your past baggage has to burn so you may be born again like the Phoenix. It’s a painful, purifying process. But when it’s all said and done, you’re going to have a kickass story to tell.
Your story will be another Self-Sabotager’s guide to defeating their Default; triggering their transformation. Imagine the difference we could make if a hundred people did that? A thousand? All you have to do is the arithmetic to see the ripple effect that would create. Talk about Forces for Good. That’s something, man. That’s the community I am looking to build here.
3. WIIFM
Everyone’s favorite radio station is WIIFM, (What’s in It for Me?) and fair enough, so let’s get into it.
I don’t think I have the bandwidth of our boy Holiday to write a daily newsletter. Someday I will. Until then, you can expect at least two newsletters every week; three when I’m really feeling it, maybe more.
As far as free versus paid goes, this newsletter will be as free for as long as it makes sense. I have no idea what that means. It sounded good when I wrote it, so I went with it. I think it’s one of those, “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there” type deals.
Speaking of ideas, the most important thing is to keep the most important thing the most important thing: helping people defeat their Default so they can stop self-sabotage. That’s what’s in it for you.
4. Final thoughts
As the title of this newsletter suggests, I’m scratching my own itch. A writer who doesn’t write is engaging in self-sabotage; being defeated by his Default.
What’s your itch? Are you scratching it? If you’re not, why not? You know why not. Default. The better question is: haven’t you had enough of that shit?